You’ve all seen a Hollywood movie right? You’re familiar with “crunch-time”, when the good guy gets one small window of opportunity in which to save the universe from the Death Star/David Lo Pan/zombie pirate hoards? You know the expression “one-shot deal”, right? Well Japan is about to give that phrase a whole new meaning…
Japan is a euphemistically abundant country. For example an acquaintance of mine once informed a class of teenagers that this was a photo of his friends Chris and Jane who are now engaged (“Kore wa tomodachi no kurisu to jein desu. Ima issho ni konyaku shiteimasu”). Unfortunately, as these fateful words spilled from his lips like so much rich, creamy, bilingual ambrosia, he was not aware that the word “konyaku” when spelled with the kanji 婚約 means engagment. Unfortunately, when spelled with the katakana コンヤク it means a solidified jelly made from the rhizome of a vegetable known as devil’s tongue. Which is also a euphemism for masturbation.
The teenage class fell into a stunned silence, daring not to laugh, when our colleague told them that his friends Chris and Jane were currently masturbating together. Which, aptly enough, is exactly how Of Rice and Zen felt when Jon Yongook introduced us to this “single use health aid“. Think of it as a cup of one-shot coffee to get your heart started in the morning. Without milk.
Tenga is a one-shot deal cup into which one can express one’s feelings. The British webpage advertises the device as the future of masturbation. If this truly is the future then Ridley Scott was way off. At least they didn’t opt for something ungenteel like, say… “wankpot”.
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Just hope that the product won't cause repercussions, for its users may never be able to pleasure themselves ever again if worse comes to worst.
I'm sure they'll try their best either way
Andy