J-phemism of the day: “soapland”. A Japanese brothel where bathroom props mask blatant prostitution. “What seems to be the problem officer? No, no. This woman is simply giving my undercarriage a good how’s-your-father. I can see where you might have got confused but on the contrary, it’s a simple case of one grown adult washing another in exchange for cold, hard cash.”
Soapland refers to an establishment into which a (usually) male client enters and is undressed and washed by a the prostitute. He then lies on a matt and is covered in lotion. The companion then slides her body up and down the client’s in an act known as “awaodori” (bubble dance). Optional oral sex may be performed on the mat, then after the “mat play” phase is complete the client and companion move to a bed for sexual intercourse.
Prostitution in Japan only refers to standard penetrative intercourse but doesn’t extend to oral, anal, intercrural sex and other non-coital doinkage. Of course, should the police happen to pay you a visit one evening it’s not the hardest thing in the world to deny you’ve broken the law:
The sex industry in Japan is worth an estimated 2.5 trillion yen. To put that in perspective 2.5 trillion yen was the operating profit of Toyota in 2007. With an industry that large you’re gonna need a lot of good euphemisms to allow everyone to pretend it doesn’t exist under their very noses wherever they go.
When explicit prostitution was made illegal in Japan an explosion of J-phemisms emerged as fig leaves to cover the marble danglies of the sex industry. One of these was known as Toruko Ofuro, which was an establishment in which a woman washed a man. Insert your own air quotes. This is, of course, a culturally insensitive and slanderous insult to Turkey and could lead to some disastrous, but hilarious, mistakes made by Japanese tourists in the Ottoman Empire.
In 2005 stickler for facts Nusret Sancakli politely requested that one of his country’s greatest gifts to world culture not be associated with bumping uglies with hookers and Japan responded. It responded by holding a NATIONWIDE COMPETITION to rename the supposedly non-existent practice of having sex with prostitutes. Soapland was the winner. Of Rice and Zen love this fact so much we want to lay it down on a matt, cover it with lotion and slide our bodies up and down it.
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